


The Constancy of a Moment

by k_lynn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, I'm not a good judge, Introspection, M/M, Magnus reflecting on his relationship with Alec, Malec, Maybe - Freeform, More of a relationship study, a tiny bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 06:57:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_lynn/pseuds/k_lynn
Summary: Alec was temporary. Magnus didn’t know how to make him anything else. He was a bright, pure, cherished moment.Alec is constant because Magnus can’t fathom allowing him to be anything else.Magnus reflects on Alec, his relationship with Alec and what they are to each other.





	The Constancy of a Moment

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have no excuse for this other than it came into my head and wouldn't leave. I wrote this when I should have been working. Magnus introspection is much more interesting than Excel spreadsheets, let me tell you. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

In the beginning of their relationship, Alec was temporary. That wasn’t a reflection on what they had or the immediate and intense pull Magnus felt to Alec the moment he met him. It was just the way of things. It was how Magnus dealt with the years. He collects. He collects things, experiences, memories, and moments. He collects moments of loss and love and despair and joy. He takes and holds moments of the people dearest to him. Immortality is a tricky thing, a curse as much as a gift, and Magnus knows letting things become permanent meant the loss of them was so much more intense. Not everyone is cut out for immortality. Magnus learned how to survive it a long time ago.

When he met Alec, he felt an inexplicable draw to know him, to unravel the contradiction of him, to understand how someone could smile so sweetly at him and still hide so much pain and isolation behind his eyes. Perhaps Magnus saw something of himself in Alec, saw that isolation and understood it. Perhaps in Alec he saw something of a kindred spirit. And perhaps he is giving himself too much credit and he can admit, at least in the privacy of his mind, in the beginning, he saw that Alec, tall, long limbed Alec, was beautiful and he wanted to know how much more beautiful he’d be, writhing in his bed.

Alec was temporary. Magnus didn’t know how to make him anything else. He was a bright, pure, cherished moment.

If pressed, Magnus would not be able to pinpoint the exact moment in time Alec became constant. It isn’t a single moment. It’s a t-shirt left on the edge of the bed. It’s practical scuffed combat boots left by the door. It’s an extra toothbrush by the sink. It’s Alec’s scent in his bed, generic soap and clean sweat and something crisp and fresh yet somehow still warm. It’s in the softness of Alec’s dark hair and his rune marked, scarred skin. It’s the ring of his laughter, the sound of his voice lingering in a room he has left. It’s the warmth of him, the weight of him, the gentle strength of his presence. It’s when Alec comes to him, wraps him in the strength of his arms and whispers, ‘I’m home.’

Alec is in him now, a part of him, in his life, his very make-up. He is constant. Magnus may not know when, but he knows it as surely as he knows the shift and simmer of his magic inside him. Alec is in his veins, in his very pulse. Magnus may have fought it if it hadn’t happened so seamlessly. If it hadn’t been a million tiny, improbable things that made up the very nature of Alec’s presence in his life.

Alec is constant because Magnus can’t fathom allowing him to be anything else.

That terrifies and settles him at once. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Magnus knows he will lose Alec. Short of some sort of miracle, he will have to say goodbye to his beautiful, brave, gentle lover. He thought that would matter more. It doesn’t. Alec will always be a constant, even if there comes a point he exists only in Magnus, in those moments that Magnus collects, he will still be there. Nothing, not time, not life, not even Alec’s mortality can take that from him.

Magnus loves Alec. The word seems too small to encompass how much Alec means to him, but Magnus has lived through centuries, he’s heard and spoken dozens of languages and he has none that can convey what he feels for Alec. That moment he can pinpoint, at least the moment he _realized_ what he felt for Alec was love. It was the moment Alec looked into his real eyes and smiled and told him he was beautiful. It was Alec making himself vulnerable, and trusting Magnus to care for him, all the while looking into his eyes and not seeing a monster, something vile and ugly and _other_. It was Alec being confused that for a moment Magnus worried he would. It was Alec staring into his eyes as he held Magnus close and moved with him and gasped, ‘You’re beautiful’ and ‘I need you’ and ‘You’re perfect’.

Even when they were apart, Magnus felt Alec in his absence. He was already there and, try as Magnus might, he couldn’t bring himself to remove him. He clung to the vestiges of Alec’s constancy like a man clings to the phantom ache of a missing limb. He made the right decision, he knows that, that didn’t mean it had hurt any less.

Then Alec surprised him yet again, offered himself up, vulnerable and open and so very trusting, ‘I don’t think I can live without you’. Magnus didn’t think he could either, but he knows he may have to, so he offers up the only thing he can. He couldn’t do anything without thinking of Alec. Alec is his constant. He is a part of him. He is _inside_ him. He is a part of Magnus’ space in the sound of his voice, the warmth of his laugh, the beauty of his runed skin, his gentle eyes. In his immovable, unapologetic love. They are a part of each other.

“Magnus?”

Magnus blinks toward the hallway, considering for a moment if his thoughts of Alec had somehow conjured him there, but Alec smiles at him, shaking his head a little as he shrugs off his jacket and tosses it on the couch.

“Hey,” he says, “There you are. I was worried you’d gone out.”

Magnus smiles back, “Hello, love. Just lost in thought.”

“Apparently,” Alec replies, walking up to stand next to his chair. “I called your name twice.” He lifts his arms and his shirt rides up a little to expose the sliver of skin above the line of his pants.

Magnus stares at it for a second, and then smirks, catching Alec around the waist and pulling him down into his lap.

Alec yelps and catches himself on the back of the chair, somewhat sprawled sideways on Magnus’ thighs. “This is awkward.”

Magnus shifts his grip and pulls Alec closer against him. He’s not entirely wrong. The chair wasn’t really made for two grown men who are not even close to being considered petite. “Shush, no it’s not, it’s lovely.”

Alec gives a warm laugh and adjusts a little until he’s comfortable, wrapping his arms around Magnus’ shoulders. “Okay, fine, it’s lovely.”

The warmth of his smile makes Magnus want to kiss him so he does. Alec leans into it, humming a low pleased sound that almost purrs from his chest.

“You’re home very early,” Magnus comments when they part, “Should I be worried?”

“No,” Alec replies easily. “I just had some downtime, so I thought… I’d rather spend it with you. I mean, unless you have something you need to do. I don’t want to be in the way.”

Magnus shushes him with another kiss, “Even if I had commitments today, you are never in the way, Alexander. As it happens, my day is completely free.”

Alec smiles, a warm little twist of his lips, “Okay. Good. What do you want to do?”

Instead of immediately answering, Magnus uses their closeness to press his lips to Alec’s throat, right at the edge of the rune there. Alec practically melts into his arms.

“That is an option,” he says thickly, his arms tightening around Magnus’ shoulders.

Magnus laughs against his skin, “One I plan to take advantage of later.” He leans back and smiles, “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” Alec replies with a little shrug.

“Good. I know this charming little trattoria just outside of _Piazza San Pietro_ that I know you’ll just love,” Magnus replies. He’s never taken Alec to Rome. He knows he’s going to love it.

Alec chuckles at his enthusiasm. “Sounds great.” He leans down and kisses him once more before rising and holding out a hand to help Magnus up as well.

Magnus takes it, and uses the hold to pull him a step into his space. “Wonderful. Just give me a moment to get ready.”

Alec eyes his open robe and the strip of chest visible there, and wets his lips. “I think you look perfect.”

That startles a laugh from Magnus and he hums, leaning closer for a second, “Later, darling.”

A little reluctantly, Alec releases him, but he can feel his eyes on him as he leaves the room. So Magnus might have to bring him back to Rome at some point to see the sights, because he has every intention of bringing him home and getting ‘later’ started as soon as possible.

At the start, Alec was temporary. He was a moment, albeit a beautiful one. Now, Alec is constant. And Magnus will keep him, every single beautiful moment of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I hope you liked it! I always love hearing what you think!


End file.
